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22.10.10
twenty dollars.
i'm just like a beggar ;
always , always begging for money from my penniless mom .
i never thought that asking for 10 dollars was this hard ; and this is my FIRST time asking for extra money , like WTF is wrong with you man , i only have a weekly allowance of 30 dollars , and you expect me to be able to use that meagre amount of money to go to the movies ? you gotta be kidding me . you're quite rich , ya knoe .
i can't stand it , something is totally robbing my freedom away from me .
i am not allowed to disclose what that thing is , the only thing that i know is that i fucking hate it . mind my language , i dare you . i already said , if you don't like my style of writing , get the fuck outta here . don't come find me to confront me about my whatever misbehaviour sorta crap . i don't give a fuck , i speak what i want to , i do what i want to , i cannot be bothered to care about things around me anymore . pathetic , i know . but yunho has to be much better than you . are you gay ? NO , you're not . i'm not gay either . but yunho is not . he loves jaejoong . yunjae ftw .
any fucking idea what yunjae is huh ? i betcha don't , i don't give a fucking damnnn .
since i already locked it , i won't have any problems about my parents finding this out . besides , people who i invite , i have faith in them that they won't tell my control freak parents about whatever i say . if i even get banned to voice out my thoughts , to at least make me feel a little fucking better , go find me another place to rant , or whatever . or i'll totally scream everything i wanna fucking say to you into your ear .
i love people who can at least listen to my thoughs , but noooo , everyone is too fucking busy , and they say that i'm to immature . the immature part , i have to agree , but at least make an effort to make me change my immaturity by listening to me right? what the hell is wrong with all of you seriously .
i realised that i change everyday
as i look at my previous diary entries, my previous blog posts , my previous photos , i realised that i changed , alot . from a happy lively girl to someone who can't appreciate anything . i may have become a goddamn bitch , but what ? the lesser i appreciate , the more i won't feel worn out in the end . i'm just awfully tired of putting up a front , and nobody sees what's underneath . aww man , i know i will be chopped up after they see this , but who cares huh . NO ONE . i swear .
sometimes , i really feel that i'm the weakest person on earth . like look at everyone , so happy and contented with their life , at this age of adolsence , and i'm just stagnant here , discouraging myself , stopping myself from pursuing my dreams . it's the environment , maybe ? no , i don't think so . i think it's just my mindset .
i've never thought that i'll be able to actually keep up with this mess that i'm in . everything just moves on , and no one actually stops to just help up the wounded runner who collapsed halfway . everyone is too absorbed into clinching the top prize , that they neglect everything around them , sometimes , i really find myself really really really vulnerable , if i continues being like this , i swear ...
i have many role models that i wanna be , like my cca seniors , my cousins , my parents (unfortunately) , i mean like all of them have or are able to achieve great things , and they get praised for it . and when i got into nanyang , did anyone praise me ? NO, no one . all of them were like : you could've gotten better for psle !! SO ?! WHAT THE FUCK , 266 aint bad , go ask around huh , how many parents would have died for their children to get 250 ? how many parents ? i tell you , alot alot , over millions .
when i was younger , i used to be very aware about how people feel about me . now ? i don't give a damn , cos well my first impression already aint good , and subsequently it becomes worse . what's the point .
i love currypuffs with chilli , they're awesomely nice . makes me happier , i dunno why , im wierd , i love spicy stuff , but i cant seem to be able to handle them heh heh .
LOOK AT JUNSU'S EPIC FACE . :D
kpop makes me happier , cos they are funny , even if its just a front .
now it's yoochun acting like junsu . LOL , its fucking cute . i mean look at his face xD he still looks sleazy . :D argh i love him . i should sleep now , now i feel happier . nites (":
01:57
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TagtagLuvs?
Fellow suckerzzz;
Heh, currently under construction dear. (:
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KIMBERLYWEEREI.
